how we roll :: waiting

So I thought that after an adoption, the waiting part was over. But as it turns out, we're waiting again. And this waiting is not nearly as fun {is adoption waiting EVER fun either?} Well, fun might be the wrong word but at least at the end of your waiting, you get a sweet one to love on.

This waiting is for results from 30 {YES THIRTY} X-rays. For prognosis from surgery. For answers from labwork. For miracles to happen.

Out of respect for his privacy, I won't share specific details. But sufficed to say, the news from one of Gabe's pre op this week was troubling. His stage two repair is set to be on July 8th. I've written about it previously. Only it may not happen as we had hoped. Gabe's little body has worked overtime it seems in scarring and potentially damaging vital tissue that could prove devastating to many aspects of his life. We won't know more until the surgeon is able to "cut it back" and see what we are dealing with.

This man is brilliant. So on top of things and always trustworthy in his medical opinion as far as Jase and I are concerned. So you can imagine our disbelief when he looked at me, 18 inches from my face and said "Mrs. Roberts, things don't look good at all. I'm completely shocked and I'm afraid his prognosis for repair is rather bleak."

Other than to disclose that this is not life threatening at all but it is completely life altering,  I will not say more here.

Jase and I would humbly ask that you lift our gorgeous Gabe up to the Lord. Our hearts are hurting but we do not despair. We know Whom we have believed in and are persuaded that He is able to do that which we ask of Him. Still, our minds go to places we don't ever want to visit and contemplate things that are awful for Gabe to have to endure.

The night after our seemingly day long specialist visits, I soaked in a hot tub and read the Scriptures. I'm reading through the Bible in it's entirety again this year and found myself in Psalm 139 that evening. The Lord is so very good. For that to be the single reading for that day.

O Lord, you have psearched me and known me! 

2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 

3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 

4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. 

5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 

6 Such knowledge is wtoo wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

 7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? 

8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 

9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 

10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” 

12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. 

13 For you eformed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 

14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in ithe depths of the earth. 

16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!

 18 If I would count them, they are more than mthe sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Praise God. He has hemmed Gabe in. He saw his unformed body. He knitted him in his first mom's womb. And He is with Gabe. I'm amazed by His goodness. In awe of His promise.

We find ourselves waiting again. Waiting for Jesus to speak, to heal to move. We trust Him to sovereignly bring all things about for His glory and our good. Still, we ask you to pray for a miracle in Gabe's body and for Jase and I to make wise decisions if that is not His plan.

Much love to you all~

sovereignty at work

So I had one of those crazy humbling moments recently. You know the kind that causes your head to spin and your eyes to water and your mouth to gape wide open? Yeah. I had me one of those.

To begin at the beginning, two weeks ago, I managed to cram six photography sessions into nine days. I was exhausted. Caught up, but weary.

I received a FB message from a fellow adoptive family who was returning from China. They were asking if I could meet them at the airport in the big city that Saturday night for a Red Thread Session. {RTSs are complimentary adoption sessions...at the airport, or once they are home. I've been an RTS photographer for just over a year.} So many people have given and supported Jase and I on our journeys to our sons and I am happy to provide a few of these sessions a year to other families. It's a tangible way for me to be a blessing to them.

Anyway, Jase and I were on our 2 mile walk that Friday and I told him about the request. He asked, "Are you going to go? Aren't you exhausted?" I agreed that I was and that there were a few reasons to consider not going...their flight wasn't due in until 8pm on Saturday, they would still have to clear Immigration before I could photograph them and we live an hour from the airport. So it would make for a long night.

But I just couldn't get away from the nudging to go. 

So I tracked the flight, and found out they were an hour behind. So an ETA of 8:55pm now. The girls agreed to ride with me {they're always up for some fun} and we loaded up the van, opened the sunroof and flew down there with music blaring.

What we didn't know was that Immigration would prove to move at a snail's pace that night. And it would be 11pm before this family walked through to where we were. There was a lot of standing around and waiting. Strangers looking at each other as if to ask, "Are you waiting for who we are waiting for?" Eyes peeled on the glass doors that separated them and us. And the realization that just 8 months prior, my family had stood in this exact spot waiting for us to stroll through those same doors with Gabe.

A group of four or five ladies walked in about half an hour after we did. A certain one in particular made eye contact with me. I had on a One Less Orphan t-shirt and so she figured I was "one of them." She approached me and asked if I was with a certain adoption agency. I explained that I wasn't but that I knew great things about that agency and if it weren't for WACAP, we'd chose them readily. She went on to say that they worked for said agency and that they were here to welcome the same family I was there to photograph.

We got to talking. Sharing stories and she asked me about Gabe in particular. About his special needs. Needs that I've never gone into great detail about publicly out of respect for him. They are of a sensitive nature and I want to tread lightly where his privacy is concerned. But many people who are close to us know the road we walked before he came to us, about decisions we had to make last summer. They prayed with us and trusted with us for God's best outcome for Gabe. I've just tried to be vague and more quiet here at FFA.

I did end up sharing quite a bit with this lady from the agency. She is a child advocate. And she went on to say that she was so grateful the Lord had planned our meeting that night. That they had three little boys on their waiting child special needs list who had very similar needs as Gabe did/does. She also said that many families have looked at them and stepped away....and that she wished there were some way for me to speak to some of these families. Not to talk them into anything per se. But to be a resource. And encouragement. To allay some fears they may have about these types of needs.

I shared with her that even though we have a dossier still logged into China, and one that if my hubby said, "Let's go one more time...!" I have to say a hearty "YES!" after I changed my wet underwear!...even though all of that is true, I really feel at this time that where the Lord is drawing my attention is to this very thing. To being an encouragement. Spurring on believing families to consider these precious children for adoption.

On our walk the next evening, I shared with Jase about meeting this agency advocate and what she had said about wishing I could speak to some families. And I told him that I had no clue how that could be or ever happen since we are a WACAP family and this is another agency altogether. But that I would welcome it if God wanted us to be used in that way. Jase agreed.

Fast forward to two nights later.

He and I are watching our favorite red neck show {besides Duck Dynasty}, Swamp People on the DVR when I get an email on my phone. An email from a complete stranger which read...

"hello! I have been reading your blog for a while. I LOVE your blog! I LOVE your sense of humor! And I LOVE your photography! 

I am the mom of 7 kids....the last three adopted. The latest little guy adopted from China in November. He required life saving heart surgery and by God's grace he made it through his surgery and now runs, jumps, and chases the dogs around. My heart wants to head back to China (and I pray my husband's heart joins mine!). As I was looking at photos of waiting kids this weekend...I noticed three little guys with {insert Gabe's special need here} Anyway - I don't know anyone who has adopted a child with that special need. From reading your blog - I don't know if I am assuming too much - but I think maybe your son has this special need? I am sorry if I am assuming wrongly or if I am overstepping my place and asking you about this. 

If you have any advice as we pray about these boys I would love it! If I now appear to be a crazy stalker of your blog - I am sorry - no harm meant.

blessings,
%*^#@*%^"

and then this one came after I responded...

"We live very near the University of &%+$^$* which has a FABULOUS pediatric cardiology unit. My heart breaks for all the little CHD kids...but my hubby doesn't think he can handle the stress/worry of having another child go through open heart surgery. To be honest...I hadn't really thought about being open to a child with {insert Gabe's special need here} - as the first thing that pops into my head is a child/person having hard issues. BUT I really want to be used by God/feel like I need to be open to other special need that might be out of my comfort zone. Seeing those three cuties this weekend was the first time I thought - hmmm, maybe I need to at least ask a few questions/do a little research and not shut the door immediately. You were the only one I could think of that might have some information. THANK YOU for being so willing to share!

All three kids are on the {insert agency name here} waiting child list... I haven't seen the files yet. I felt I needed to do a little more research and they want to see our 1 month and 6 month postplacement reports since we have only been home with our son since November.

THANKS again for being willing to share! 

Are y'all with me???

This stranger, who reads our blog, who doesn't know what Gabe's special need is emailed me out of the blue for encouragement and advice and to see if they might possibly consider one of the three little boys that the agency advocate spoke to me about just two nights before. 

Tears welled up in my tired eyes.

Can you see Jesus at work in the lives of His people?

Can you sense His sovereign hand in all things?

Can you believe the love He has for the orphan? 

Because I sure can, y'all. 

I sure can.

At this point, the family had not been in contact with the lady who spoke to me. I had not given her my contact info at the airport nor had this family spoken to her about our conversation. 

It was all the Lord. 

I turned to Jase and read him the email, connected the dots about the agency advocate at the airport and just looked at him.

To which he replied...

"Sovereignty."

And my heart resonated, yes. King Jesus is beautifully, wonderfully sovereign.

a thirteen year old Pookie

So I don't know about y'all, but I'm thinking life needs to slooooow down. Good grief. The Pook is a teenager.

Teenager. 

Which seems nearly impossible.

Since I just went through the valley of the shadow of death to give birth to her yesterday.

Seriously. My first baby is a teenager. I am still processing it. I know, I know. Get used to it. There are three more behind her and it's just the beginning. But I'm still just wondering how this happened so dang fast!

I'll let you in on a little secret though.

I'm kinda diggin' it.

Maybe because we've loved teenagers for forever. Or because she's so darn funny these days that I bend over at the waist in laughter at her and with her. Or because she's manifested 100 new facial expressions lately that are downright hysterical. Or because she's been so helpful in recent days and so thankful for what she has and just pretty much a gem to be around.

Maybe it's because she sends me texts just to say "i love you, mom" while she's upstairs and I'm downstairs. It's all of this and more. My sweet and funny Pookie is thirteen. Wow. We took her to Uncle Julio's {the best Mexican food in the world} the weekend before her birthday...her bestie, Emma, tagged along all the way from out of state. This was a huge surprise for KG and she was stoked. And my mom and sister came up on her actual birthday for some lovin' and lemonade cake {and to give her some presents!} Suweet! Mom and Dad got her several things but among her favorites, were her last needed Harry Potter hardback and some HP bookends. She loved it all.

Kennedy has talked countless times about how much she wants to join the military when she's older. Specifically, the Navy. I'm not sure why. She's pretty adamant about it at this point though. Who knows? She may keep sensing this leading. She may not. But she's also dying to join our school's JROTC this next school year. It's steep...$1500 for the year. And Jase and I are working hard to try and save this extra $ so she can follow through with it. She asks so little...doesn't play sports or take dance or anything really except piano. We so want to do this for her and let her join. Time will tell if we are able to or not. She participated in a "shadow day" a few weeks ago where she got to see how it works and what she would be doing on a typical Tues/Thursday. It'd be so great for her. Mom and Dad surprised her with a $100 bill to go toward her JROTC aspirations. Really unexpected and sweet.

So we decided to get her a few little Navy gifts {tshirt and hat} since we knew she'd love those. And she asked for some weights, so she could bulk up her 70lb tiny frame and be ready for the Navy when the time came. We bought her a yoga mat to work out on, a pair of 7.5lb weights to go with her 2 and 5lb ones that she already had and a rack to keep them all on.

We also made her two wooden signs like our Scripture one that now hangs in our master bathroom. Kennedy's favorite quote {outside of the Bible} is Twain's "Sail away from the safe harbor." She has it everywhere. On the toes of her Chucks {"Sail" on the left foot, "Away" on the right}, scribbled on paper in her room, her notebooks, etc. So that was an easy choice for the first sign.

The second is likened to it. Only the man who said it was perfect. "Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." We thought these two complimented each other well and have the same sentiment. And both we hope, are true for Kennedy. That she will do hard things. That she will not play it safe all the time. And that her life will be lost in what matters most, Jesus.

Happy 13th birthday, Kennedy Grace! We love you more than you know. Our prayer for you is that you would see the beauty in losing your life for His sake, all the while knowing that finding it in Him is infinitely better than anything this world has to offer. Sail away from the safe harbor, baby girl.

~Mama & Daddy

Joel showing his Aunt KK that he's a "good reader!"

mother's day 2013

So whew. I've been a crazy woman the last two weeks. School has ended {Halleluyer!} and that final week is a blur! I've shot 6 photography sessions in the last 9 days. Again, blur blur blur. And so I'm finally sitting down for some "me" time at the Mac.

Mother's Day was a bit unorthodox for us but not in a bad way. We ended up spending most of the day in transit to a hospital in the big city to visit some friends whose newborn baby girl had been put in the NICU. It was their first baby and during church that morning, I just kept thinking and praying for them and decided we should just head down and hug their necks. So that's what we did...after stopping at McDonald's for some fine Mother's Day cuisine.

Hey, I told you it was a bit unorthodox. But who cares!?!

Before that, we had the blessing and privilege of dedicating our little prince to the Lord. In our church family, the child dedication is a twofold covenant. Parents promise before their church body to raise their child{ren} in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The Church promises to hold the parents accountable for that task as well as to come alongside and encourage and provide ways to enable parents to succeed in their calling to raise their children in this way. It's not an ordinance, like baptism or the Lord's Supper. But it is a covenant and one we take seriously.

Gabe, though looking dapper as could be, was a little antsy. Not fussy. Just antsy during the dedication. He was presented with a little Bible and after a charge to both the parents and the Church body by our pastor, we prayed and then we were off to the children's floor so Gabe could play and be with other children instead of in service with us.

Once we were home, I told Jase that I wanted to snap a few pics of me with the kids...so funny. He totally knew I would say that and we headed to the backyard to snag some. Sweet man ended up taking the best picture of the kiddos and I. I need to frame it. Perfect moment in time.

I love, love, love these babies of ours. 

Four. 

Four birdies in our nest. I don't even like birds. At all. But that phrase comes to mind all the time with my children. I want them close to me. I wanna keep them all tucked in around me. To take care of them and love them and then to watch them fly away someday when they are ready. Give 'em roots, give 'em wings...right?

We are watering in those roots now. Our hope is that they will run deep and be sure and strong.

the winds of change

So that's been the theme of our lives it seems for the last year. Well, it's been our secondary one. Jesus' love and care for us has been evident through it all. Through bringing our little prince home, 2 surgeries so far, schooling Joel for the first time and now, job changes.

"Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be till I die..."

{There is a Fountain Filled with Blood} 

God has been so faithful. He has redeemed our fears and our mistakes and our dreams. Many unknowns have weaved their way into our lives over the last several months and His faithfulness has been our constant. I really thought I mentioned this or maybe posted about it a little a few months ago, but I can't find it now. Doesn't matter really. 

Jase came home from China changed. Uneasy to a degree. Not changed by China per se. But he was unsettled. Time away had given him clarity. And to be honest, I didn't even see it. I knew that the weekly grind of youth ministry was wearing on him. In truth, parents wore on him sometimes, the student band wore on him {because he's not musically inclined}, planning events and trips and activities wore on my sweet husband. All of that I knew too well. But re-entry kicks your tail and sometimes when you're in the trenches of it, other blatant things pass you by. And this current struggle of Jase's slipped by me pretty much unnoticed. 

We've been in student ministry for more than 15 years. Thirteen of those have been full time. Before that, a part time position in seminary, before that an interim position and even before that...as intern for a youth pastor each summer. Our lives, our marriage and our geography has been driven by youth ministry {and by God of course}. We moved to TX four weeks after our wedding so he could attend  seminary and then three years later, with Master's Degree in hand, moved 1000 miles away for his first full time position. Then yet again, three years later, moved to where we are now...for students. To be used by the Lord in their lives. To come alongside of parents in helping to model Godly faithfulness for them to see and follow. To teach them His Word. To serve the Body. That was in early 2003.

A few years ago, after our minister of education moved to another job out of state, our church decided to increase Jason's responsibilities and added education ministry to his title. It was a win win in many ways. He had a salary increase and a new area of ministry to enjoy in addition to student ministry. It meant more work for him, but at this point, he welcomed it and enjoyed it very much. As the years rolled on, it proved to be a lot for him. He was juggling so much. Wearing countless hats {at least it felt that way}. And his passion began to wane. 

Enter China. 

And my love came home one Monday this past fall in tears. He had been to speak with our pastor, whom we adore, about how unsettled he was. How he felt the Lord leading him to a different role in ministry. How he desperately loved our church and didn't want to leave at all...but couldn't see himself continuing in youth ministry. 

That's a hard thing to do. We know our church loves us. Jase is tried and true, an excellent employee, so kind and approachable. He does his job well. But you never know what will happen in a conversation like this. Our pastor could have said that he needed to find a new church or denied his desire to shift focus. He could have been angry. Or hurt. Or just hard to deal with. 

He was none of these things.

Instead, he affirmed Jase. Even now that makes me cry. He told him how loved and valued he is. That there was no reason for him to leave or to feel that he needed to consider leaving. Praise God. 

So, long story short long, and after much prayer, our church developed a plan for Jase. He would become the Minister of Pastoral Administration and Discipleship  with some emphasis on Family Ministry too. Which, if you knew my love, you would say fit him perfectly. In November {I believe}, the church voted for this change in title and responsibilities as well as formed a search team for the new youth minister. I'm so pleased to say that the Lord has led us to that man and he will be joining us in a couple of weeks after a unanimous vote to call him to our church. 

Kennedy struggled most, as we fully expected she would. Jase told her on a Friday before announcing it to the rest of the students the following Sunday last fall. She sobbed, we right along with her. Jase scooped up his girl, held her tight, and wept with her. It breaks my heart that Syd won't have the blessing of sitting under her dad's teaching as a youth. Of course he teaches her daily here. But there's something different about being a PK at church when your dad is leading. So it's been hard. And as much as we've been looking forward to the change, this past Sunday night as he taught the students for the last time as their youth pastor, I couldn't help but cry myself. It certainly is bittersweet. 

In March, we celebrated 10 wonderful years of ministry at our church. They had an entire service for us where three former youth spoke {and did so beautifully} about Jase and his ministry's impact on their lives. We laughed and cried and laughed some more. It was a precious, precious time. They blessed us with a love offering {and a new iPad Mini for Jase that he has been dying for!} and they showered us with affirmation. 

The winds of change are definitely blowing in our lives. Y'all know I love change! And this one, while welcomed, is still a bit hard for me to swallow. Maybe because it means we're getting older! lol. Jase will be 40 in a few months. So I guess it's time we grow up out of the youth ministry. But this I know, students will always be dear to us. Don't make the mistake of thinking that teenagers aren't worthy of your time and your understanding. No one can make you laugh like a middle schooler. Or challenge your walk like a high schooler on fire for the Lord. Or bring you to your knees with their commitment like a college student who's entering the mission field for the fame of Jesus. Students are one of the best things about the Church. And if you haven't discovered that yet, you're surely missing out! 

Sweet students, we love you so much. Thank you for sharing your lives with us all these years. 

"i'm not a sinner"...and so it begins

So it has begun.

And I can't even tell y'all how beautiful it is. Countless prayers and yearnings and hope for these things to happen. And we pray that it is as we have asked it to be.

Because it really seems as if sweet Jesus is in pursuit of our Joel's heart.

Oh, just typing that is enough to bring me to my face and on my knees.

This beautiful, funny, in need of a Savior...little boy.

It began a few weeks ago, me in the kitchen, he sitting on the trash can. {Yes, all three of the older children routinely sit on the trash can. Gabe is too small or I assure you, he would follow suit.} But as I was cooking, Joel was talking. Incessantly. And the conversation unexpectedly shifted from everyday stuff to Heaven and Hell and the logistics of it all.

And I'm thinking and answering and thinking...about how to answer well. About what to say and what not to say. I don't even believe I prayed. I was just taken aback by his questions and as quickly as there was an answer from me, there was another question from him.

But then, he stopped. And he went away to do something else.

And I was left to ponder. Where did this come from? I mean, Joel is coming face to face with Truth on a daily basis. I'm not sure why I was so surprised by his relentless questions. But he's just never asked ones like these before.

When your children are born, heck, when they are in the womb for some or on the other side of the Earth waiting for others...you hope, you pray, you plead for their souls. For God to intervene in their circumstance, to align their hearts with His at some point, to allow you to be part of the means to the ends...namely, that they would call on the God of the Bible for their salvation and that you would be the primary ones who point them to that God.

But when you see Him, when you actually sense Him answering those many prayers, it's the most humbling thing in the world. When you look deep into the eyes of your Tornado, and you are aware that God is on the move, in whatever way, to make Himself known...you are in awe of His goodness.

As I mentioned the other day, I painted our master bath during spring break. Now Jase is not a painter. He likes fresh, new colors and updating the house. But when it comes to the actual painting, he can definitely leave it to me. And really, he had his own full time job that day :: Gabe! But at one point, I was rolling away while Joel and Jase sat on our bed. I could hear them talking. Joel was talking about Heaven again and just came out and asked,

"So dad, how do you go to Heaven?"

Jase responded by telling him, in his best 6 year old lingo, that we must believe that Jesus is God's Son, that He never sinned and that because we have sinned, we need to repent...to ask Him to forgive us and to try really hard every single day not to sin, to let the Holy Spirit help us not to sin. He told him that we must love Jesus so much that we don't want to sin anymore but to obey Him in everything we do...even though we will always have a hard time doing that.

And that's when Joel said what every person on the planet has said at one time or another.

"But I'm not a sinner, dad."

Of course Jase said, "You are, buddy. We all are."

"But I'm not, dad. I never kill anybody. I never rob anybody....."

That's when his dad lovingly, but truthfully, pointed out the sin areas of his own 6 year old life.

And the reality fell on him. As best as it could at his age and maturity level, in that moment on our bed with his daddy, the realization of his sinfulness in light of Jesus' perfection, fell on him. Not in an emotional way at all. Rather, silence. And then more questions.

I think many times, people...children and adults...start here. They want to know "how to get to Heaven." Sometimes believers will give them tracks or tell them how much they need Jesus and we may even throw in a line about how we've all sinned against God. They may pray a simple prayer and be on their way...all the while, believing they've been saved and that nothing further is needed.

But have you ever thought about this kind of evangelism? Where sometimes people make quick  "decisions" to follow God and have absolutely no contrition of heart? Or at the very least, only a small amount?

For God's salvation to be wrought in the heart of a person, they must come to the end of themselves and realize their deep and corrupt sinfulness against God. I really believe that to be taught in the scriptures. That we can't desperately want to "go to Heaven" and be so flippant about our own sinfulness at the same time and yet be saved.

Jase and I are treading carefully and prayerfully as we walk through these days with Joel. We know full well that we are the primary means of discipleship in our children's lives. However, with that influence, our responsibility is to merely model a life of faithful obedience to the Lord. To teach our children, to point them at every turn to Jesus,  and to know for certain that the work of salvation is God's alone.

Period.

We will not manipulate, we will not push or even encourage a decision from Joel.

No prodding or pleading from us will bring about heart change. That is the Holy Spirit's role. And most likely, these are just the beginnings of the questions and the work of regeneration that the Lord may be doing. It could quite possibly take years for him to be brought to the point of repentance and faith. We trust that to Jesus. If he is to come to God in faith, he will come. {John 6:37}

But to witness the Lord at work in his heart, for whatever reason His glory demands, is such a joy. How we love this boy. How we pray with him everyday that he would love our God, serve our God, be changed to be like our God. That his feet would be placed firmly on the Rock. That his eyes would be opened. That his will would most freely surrender to Jesus.

And maybe, just maybe, those prayers are beginning to be answered. To Him be the glory.

*Kennedy and Sydney's salvation experiences are posted here. 

Easter

So wow. Resurrection Day! Despite cloudy skies and an eventual downpour this afternoon, we have enjoyed a beautiful Easter Sunday. No need for heavy coats this morning either. Which for me, is always a bonus because there's just something not right about going to church on Easter all bundled in winter garb.

Easter.

How I love this day. It symbolizes everything we desperately need but can never attain on our own. Redemption, power over sin, forgiveness, hope and life eternal. Glory to God. He is risen! He is risen indeed!

Our pastor brought a fantastic sermon from 1 Corinthians 15 about the resurrection of the dead...how without Jesus' being raised to life, we certainly will not be either. It was a perfect Word for today. I'm so grateful for uncompromising Truth that is proclaimed each and every week at our church. For staff who live what they say and for a husband who gently and capably leads by example. I don't deserve such blessing, yet He has given it.

I've been pondering a lot this weekend about life and death and all that comes with it. A friend I used to work with in TX died on Friday after having only found out 15 weeks ago that she had kidney cancer. Pictures of her from Christmas were beautiful...and from last week, were unbelievable. I would never in a hundred years guessed it was her. And so I've just been praying for her {for weeks} and crying over her death this weekend. The thought that she met Jesus face to face and that her faith is sight.

Because of the resurrection.

Because repentance and faith were purchased for us on Good Friday. Sometimes I get so sidetracked by the wonderful thought that my forgiveness was bought by His blood. But without the repentance and faith that He secured that day as well, forgiveness would be for naught. And it was purchased for my friend too...

Happy Easter,  y'all. I hope yours has been as reflective and beautiful as ours.

We enjoyed a big lunch at home with the kiddies after church and then headed out to let Joel and Gabe enjoy their little gifts. We don't do baskets anymore {not that there's anything wrong with it!}, I just got a bit weary of it and the older the girls get, the easier it was to just give them a little something {kinda like on Valentine's Day} and let that be that. Easter isn't about temporal gifts any more than Christmas is. And we want to be careful for that to never be the focus with our babies. So we get them a little something each year and give it to them after lunch.

The girls loved their $10 gift cards...with a pack of gum. Lol. They are kinda over chocolate bunnies. And Honey is always good to get them their favorite candy for Easter {along with their obsessions...new iPhone and iPod cases. :) }. So they got gift cards and gum from us. And they were stoked. Funny girls.

Joel has been lamenting that his bow was broken {cheapy bow and arrow set}. So we snagged him a new Nerf kind of bow and arrow thingy this weekend. Oh, my. We did well with this. He LOVED it.

And Gabe? This boy loves him some balls. It's one of the few words he can say really well and so we bought him an orange ball. To which he smiled and promptly pushed his lunch plate away and pulled his bib off as if to say, "I'm finished here! I'll be taking that ball now!" with his sweet arms outstretched.

Here are a few {insert hysterical laughter at the sarcasm} obligatory pictures from before we left for church. Jase always leaves waaaay before we do, so he wasn't here. :( But like every year, I just had to snag some. Even if Joel was sporting his best Chandler Bing smile! I've been literally itching to grab my camera and shoot. It's just been so cold and dreary. I realized yesterday that I didn't even have a March 2013 folder on my Mac. Sad. So happy spring is here!

God love these babies.

Easter, always more than Christmas, makes me all sappy about my babies.

The realization that we were "far off" as the Scriptures say and that we were enemies of God breaks my heart in light of what He did for us. And we were His creation. His own. Yet were were far off...dishonoring Him. And yet He came to pay our ransom.

How I love my Jesus. How I love these children. And how I want so much for them to follow hard after Him all of their days. Because He is risen!

giving love a bad name

So it was apparent during lunch today {yummy, fallin' off the bone bbq ribs} that Gabe was exhausted. Or coming down with something. Or exhausted. Or not feeling the bbq like the rest of us were. Or maybe...he was just exhausted.

Because I wiped the mashed potatoes off of his face and the baked beans from betwixt his fingers and took him for a pre-nap diaper change and he just could not be comforted really. All of this sitting and eating and wiping and changing was just too much for our little prince.

But once I had him spick and span and dry and fed...I held him in my arms and his crying immediately stopped.

Our eyes locked.

And he smiled.

Actually, his little mouth still bore the last bit of grin when those same eyes that had just been staring at me, closed tightly shut.

He was gone.

Safe.

Content.

Loved.

In fact, as I was holding him to my chest while sitting on the edge of our bed {like I always do for a few seconds before placing him in the crib}, I could only muster one soft, little sentence over and over and over in his sweet ears...

I love you. 

I LOVE YOU.

I. Love. You.

Rocking him back and forth, and saying these words to him, my thoughts drifted to this past week and how I've had the opportunity to speak to strangers on FB about Jesus. I've really been struggling with a blog post that I read several days ago and along with it, struggling with the fact that so many believers {and non believers} have bought in hook, line and sinker.

To be fair, the hook and the line weren't too bad. But the sinker, it got me.

And my heart broke at the thought that Christianity has changed so much in our culture.

Jesus has not changed.

But Christianity has...at least the world thinks it has.

I mean, this isn't news. I know this, you know this. I'm just floored that we aren't more concerned. More burdened. I hope we are and we're just not talking about it for some reason. I hope that our hearts are burning for Truth to invade our lives and that we are struggling with these things in our everyday lives. Because this is serious stuff.

A believer {whom I do not know at all } this week, piggie backed onto another conversation I was having and said this :

"Jesus said," Come to me those who are weary and heavy burdened and will give you rest. Take my yolk upon you and learn from me, for MY yolk is easy, my burden is light." Rest, easy, light. These are the requirements of Jesus."

She is right, Jesus did say this. And He most certainly meant it. Where she was misguided was that these are the requirements of Jesus. These are not requirements at all.

They are benefits. Gifts. Blessings that come to believers who walk with Jesus.

The requirements of Jesus are way heavier. And costlier. And riskier.

Have no other God before me.

Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength. 

Love your neighbor as yourself. 

Repent and believe.

Take up your cross. 

Die to yourself. 

Hate everyone and everything in comparison to me. {Our love for everything else should look like hatred because of our love for Jesus.}

These are the requirements. These are the costs. And ironically, these too, are the benefits. Because through Him and through them, we have LIFE.

We see her point was basically that she wants the light, easy, loving Jesus. And hey! I want Him to! Don't you? But the kicker is...there's so much more to Him.

That, to me, is what this new brand of Christianity is embracing. Not the multifaceted Jesus but a one dimensional, loving God. The Jesus who accepts you where you are and is happy to just let you be you. The Jesus who died for your sins but would never call you out on them. The Jesus who said He was THE way, THE truth and THE life but really didn't mean it since there are so many ways we can find God.

It's not really new, you know? This new Christianity isn't new. It's just bold. And it's being emboldened more every day by the culture in which we find ourselves. So what is our response? What is our answer?

Do we just play nice and be quiet?

I believe the answer to that is both YES and NO.

Yes, by all means and for the love of Pete {no pun intended} PLAY NICE. Be salt and light with a good measure of kindness and humility. Consider Jesus who never dismissed sin but always dealt with it in a righteous way as the situation deemed. Anger when turning over tables and gentleness with the woman at the well.

Play nice.

No, by all means and again, for the love of Pete, DO NOT BE QUIET. Being salt and light means we have to open our mouths. We have to confront others who bear His Name yet deny His Truth. We must raise our voices against the masses and say that the Jesus of our imaginations pales in comparison to the Jesus of the Bible, whom we will meet face to face in the not too distant future.

Do not be quiet.

Today, as I rocked our little prince on my bed with his little head against my chest, and I whispered those words over and over and over to him, I realized something.

Jesus would do the same. He is easy and light and peace for the believer. And He probably would really enjoy an afternoon holding us to His chest and would whisper that most wonderful of sayings, I love you, in our ears. But that is not all He would do with us. He would wipe the beans from our fingers and the mashed potatoes from our faces. We will squirm and holler and hate it at the time...until He pulls us up onto his chest again.

Like a parent who loves, He disciplines. He corrects when we are wrong. He rebukes when we are haughty or prideful. He convicts when we are sinful.

He loves us enough to not let love be His only attribute.

He loves enough to mold us into His likeness. Molding is painful. Molding takes time and effort and struggle.

Parenting is the same. 

I could love my babies and only love them. Not correct them or discipline them or instruct them.

And I'd have four really big brats in my nest. 

Have you been around those kids? Those kids whose parents never show their child anything but love? None of the hard stuff...only easy, peaceful and light.

They are a pain to be around. And they are an embarrassment to their parents. Parents need to be parents.

And in our theology, in our Christianity, in our everyday lives before the masses...Jesus needs to be Jesus. 

Because when we don't, {paraphrasing Matt Papa} when we elevate the love of Christ and the grace of Christ above the holiness and the righteousness of Christ, we preach a cheap grace.

And we give the lover of our souls a bad name.

life in the here and now

So it's been pretty stinkin' heavy in this little part of my world lately. I won't rehash it, but so much has consumed my thoughts, my struggles and hopefully my prayers concerning the state of the Church in these days. Even this week, another post written slamming the Church of Jesus and how those of us who hold to the Scriptures are basically intolerant haters.

Oh, God.

This world exhausts me. I can't fathom how your heart breaks to see those who proclaim to follow you, make such flippant remarks about your Word and your Bride. I'm so weary.

And so it was good to just walk away from it for a bit.

To go into our bedroom alone for a few minutes of solitude.

It didn't last though.

Because the door soon opened and revealed that I had a tag along.

I was laying on our sheetless bed {because it was laundry day} and in he walked.

How could I resist him?

Because he's so flippin' cute laying there with his brother's lego.

And had I got up and snagged my Canon, it'd have all been over.

So I used my trusty iPhone.

Because this is life in the here and now.

And it just won't last forever.

In the midst of it all, this boy is a sweet reminder to me of the Lord's plan for our lives and for his. He has made a way for Gabe. He has made a way for us. Weeks like this are so good for perspective and renewed joy in the goodness of God.