rescued :: my thoughts

So I really do try to fly under the radar around here. My goal is never to stir up trouble or to offend. My hope with this little blog is always three fold ::

1) to provide my babies with a tangible piece of me when I'm long gone to Heaven.

2) to tell the story of our family {Again, mostly for the littles} for those who want to know it.

3) to honor Jesus by being an encouragement to adopting families and as well as those who are being led
    to adopt...and to gain encouragement myself by reading of their faith and adoptions.
   
There you go.

My secret is out.

I want to make a difference.

In how we think. And how we serve. And what we do.

Faith. Family. Adoption.

And I want to set a few things straight from our point of view. Your POV may be totally different. And that is just fine. Honest. So if you blatantly disagree with me, that's a-okay. Just be kind about it and let's all play nice.  :) This post is meant for Christians really. If you are from another faith background, I'd love for you to come back here and visit. But today may not be the best day because my views on this are from a Christian background and the audience {my kids included} that I'm hoping to dialogue with, is Christian.

Several days ago, a friend of our family wrote a post publicly that I disagree with on a few levels. And I wanted to address some of it here...for the benefit of my babies {two (or more!) of which have or will come to us through adoption} to have one day. I want them to hear my heart {and their dad's} on this issue. I also hope that other Christian families will really think about this and perhaps, on a new level.

To begin, this friend is a believer. So we are very like minded in most ways, I'm sure! She and her husband recently adopted a beautiful daughter internationally. Jase and I were thrilled to watch them travel via FB and their blog. There are few things that top the list more for us than watching others who love the Jesus step out in faith to change an orphan into a beloved son or daughter. It was the same for us with this family.

I also want to state that while we have one son {currently!} who came to us through adoption, I have no idea what it is to not be raised by my birth parents. My only point of reference in knowing the deep sense of loss that adopted children must and do go through, is Joel. My experience is vastly limited and I readily admit that. I have never been abandoned. Never been forced to leave the country of my birth or the comfort of familiarity to the degree that these children do. I have no personal experience with any of this for myself. And so I want to tread lightly and want you to realize that I'm fully aware that I can't be fully aware of what adoptees are thinking, feeling, or dealing with.

Back to the post that our family friend wrote. We do evidently disagree on a few things adoption related though. First, she mentioned the statement, one I believe to be true, that if every Christian adopted, the orphan crisis would be greatly reduced if not made obsolete. I happen to agree with that.

Just simple math would draw that conclusion.

I mean, if all African Americans or CEO's or plumbers or school teachers or policemen adopted, there would be no orphan crisis either.

But she seems to adamantly disagree with that school of thought. I think, if I'm understanding her right, to her, it's not about the numbers. It's about the call. As back up for her point, she stated that not every Christian is called to adopt. 

Now that, I can get behind.

No, we are not all called to adopt. I have no problem with that statement at all. But you can't discount the numbers. They just can't be argued with.

Again, with simple math, here are some statistics.

There are more Christians in the world today than there are orphans. Just in my quick study on this point, I found many sources that site there are more than 2 billion believers in the world today. If we were to be REALLY conservative, and halved that number, we would still find that only 10% of them would need to adopt ONE child to alleviate the orphan emergency.

I'm not and have never said that all Christians should adopt. But surely, there are 5-10% of us that could take a hard look at God's Word and be obedient. If James was serious, and the Holy Spirit divinely inspired him to write the mandate in 1:27...then there are many, many disobedient believers walking around sticking their faces in the sand. I find it hard to believe that the Lord is not "leading" or "calling" 5-10% of His people to do something about this.

The second thing we disagree on is her view...if we do believe that the orphan crisis could be solved by Christians alone, and we adopt because of it, we may be doing so "out of guilt or some misguided sense of rescue."

Ouch.

She went on to say that she and her husband "adopted first and foremost because they knew they were meant to be parents and that adoption was their only hope."

Let me be clear, I have no problem with this either. To me, there are few wrong reasons to adopt. Very few in comparison with the reasons TO adopt. But just for kicks and giggles, here are some.

Servitude. No, let's all just agree right off the bat that we should never adopt so that our children can be our servants.

Financial benefit. I have personally known of others who have fostered children locally so that they would be paid for it. Despicable.

Notoriety. It seems like sometimes this happens in main stream...celebrities are adopting like crazy. I can't judge their hearts at all. But it seems that some people watch them do it and want it for themselves...I've read of people actually wanting to feel good about themselves or doing something that will cause them to be looked up to. Adoption is the wrong way to go about gaining status.

Those are a few. But the vast majority of reasons that people adopt are, in my opinion, good.

They want to be parents.

They see the need and know that they can help meet it.

They follow Jesus and know His heart beats for the orphan.

They have a son or daughter waiting somewhere in the world and they know it, so they go to them and bring them home.

To me, again...just my opinion, all of those are good reasons. One or more of them were our reasons. One or more of them may have been yours. Or maybe yours were different. Who cares? Whatever our reason, whatever our motive {as long as it is pure}...what in the world does it matter?

I don't feel any more Godly or religious {Heaven help me} because we adopted after we had biological children. Honest. It is not as if our choice was more noble because we could have babies naturally. And a couple's choice to adopt in lieu of the fact that they are unable to have children biologically is no more noble or less noble in my opinion.

I'm sure there are those who are on the extremes about this though. Polar opposites.

On the one side, I know that others have said, "We adopted because we can't have children naturally. Our motives are most pure because we didn't do this out of a sense of rescue. We only did it so we could be parents."

And on the opposite side, others may say, "Our motives were most pure because we could have children biologically and we STILL chose to bring a needy child into our family."

As a follower of Jesus, neither of those sit well with me. Judging someone else's motives in light of your own is at best, a slippery slope. Jase and I fell right in the middle of those two scenarios. We were convicted by God in His Word about the plight of orphans, we could have biological children {2 daughters by birth}...but we wanted a son, and ours was in Bangkok, Thailand wanting for us to come to him.

In their book, Orphanology, Tony Merida and Rick Morton state, "Whether or not you can have biological children really has nothing to do with the Christian's call to do orphan care. Further, we don't see adoption merely as plan B and only for parents who can't have biological children. Rather, we see both orphan care and adoption as examples of practical Christianity...Adoption and orphan care aren't new ideas; they're biblical ideas."

And then, "Caring for all of the fatherless is enforced in God's Word, flows from God's heart and such care embodies convictions that have marked God's people for centuries."

With that said, what got to me most about this friend's post, was that the term rescue had such a negative connotation. Again, I readily admit that I have not been adopted in the natural sense. So, I'm speaking as a believer in the Lord Jesus and not as an adoptee.

What in the world is so wrong with being rescued?

People are rescued out of wrecked cars. Every day. And we applaud and put them on the news.

Children are rescued out of burning homes. Every day. And we applaud and give the fireman a medal.

Whole countries are rescued by armies of soldiers. And we applaud and they meet our President and are honored for their service.

Goodness, even dogs and whales and polar bears are rescued in the wild and we go nuts and make movies about it.

And whatever your feeling is about attaching that term to a sweet child, a made in the image of God, precious child is...you can't deny that on many levels, they have been rescued. I have no need or want of recognition for having adopted our son{s}. My point is only that rescue in the above instances is a wonderful thing and as a society, we are at the very least, happy for those who have been.

res*cue {res-kyoo}
verb
to save someone from a distressing situation, to keep one from being lost or abandoned. to retrieve.
noun
the act of saving or being saved from danger or distress.

Why in the world is this not fitting? Why is it seen so negative to say that these children have been rescued? Is it because we have such a high view of man and a low view of God? Because honestly, I just can't see why this is such a problem.

I understand if a single or a couple adopts a child for the sole intent to be a rescuer. And to boast in their ability to rescue a child or to give themselves a lifetime pat on the back for rescuing a child. I'm not including these people in my opinion.

But answer me this.

Have adopted children been saved from a distressing situation?

Yes. It breaks my heart. But yes. Even with the loss of blood family and country and culture and memories and comfort. They have been saved from a distressing situation.

Because any child without a family, any child in an institution, is in distress. It's just the cold, hard truth.

By adopting their child, is a couple keeping one from being lost or abandoned?

Yes. Do you know the statistics of children, girls especially, who age out of orphanages and go into lives of prostitution or sex trafficking? Approximately 60% of girls enter the sex trade and 70% of boys become hardened criminals. {From UNICEF} Do you know that nearly 10% of aged out orphans will commit suicide before the age of 18?

And rescue for these children is "misguided" or fueled by "guilt" on our part?

I just don't see it.

Our son has been home for 2 1/2 short years. In that time, I can't tell you how many times we have had conversations just like this one...

Joel :: "Hey mama?"

Me :: "Yes, sweet boy."

Joel :: "Why you come get me? Why you come get me in Thai-wand?"

Me :: "Because we loved you, buddy. Because you were our son."

Joel :: "So you come get me? You bring me home?"

Me :: "Yes, baby. We did."

Joel :: "Oh, fank you, mama! Fank you, fank you! I so gwad you come get me!"

Me :: "Me too, baby."

Over and over again. This precious boy asks us that. And over and over again, he is grateful. But we don't need or expect his gratitude. We don't fish for it or hope that he will give it. We adore him. We are  the better for him coming to our lives. And in his life right now, he feels the exact same way about us. He knows what has been done in his life and he is grateful.

That may not always be the case. He may grow to be bitter and resent us for coming to get him. He may want to go back to his native country as an adult and live there. Of course we hope that isn't the case. However, we have done all we can do to make that possible for him should he choose that. But we know that we know that we know, as great as the TRC children's home/orphanage was, it wasn't us.

It was not us. 

It was not a family.

And what Joel needed. What every orphan needs, is a family.

What they don't need though, are parents who toot their own horn and have an inflated ego over their decision to adopt. It still makes my skin crawl to hear people say what a great thing we have done for Joel. How blessed he is to have us.

They have no idea. We are the blessed ones. He is safe now. That is true.

 But we are the truly blessed ones. He is our gift.

I guess the reason I don't have a problem with the term rescued, is that I know I have been rescued myself. The Bible uses the term adoption synonymously with salvation many times throughout the Scriptures. Need some references? I'm here to serve...

Ephesians 1
Romans 8
Galatians 4
1 Timothy 2

Again, when we have a high view of God, we will have a low view of man. And see ourselves in light of Christ...and know that we need rescue.

Of course we're not saying that we are our children's Savior, as our friend alluded that Jase believed we were. She is absolutely correct, "there is one Savior". And no, we aren't Him. But just as God ordained the ends {our salvation}, He ordained the means {our adoption}.

I was lost. I was in danger. I was in distress. I had no hope.

Then Jesus.

Then rescue.

The Word of God uses this term to paint a picture of our salvation. We have been rescued, we are being rescued and we will be rescued.

We have been saved.

We are being saved.

We will be saved.

I was grafted in. Just like Joel. I did not belong there by birth...I was not God's perfect Son. But He stepped in. He did the work. He purchased my ransom. And He saved me from the distressing situation I found myself in.

Unlike our friend, I do believe adoption is rescue. 

It is benevolence. 

And I just can't see how that's a bad thing.

My intention here has not been to cause a fire of comments or disagreements...or even agreements and amens. Only to cause us to think deeply. To consider the implications that our salvation has on the world...namely, in this instance, that we as believers must, must, must be about the rescue of children.

Not to feed our self image. Not for attention or to make ourselves feel better. But because we want to. Because we want to honor God by loving what He loves. Because we want to fill our homes with children who need to be loved and cared for and told they are of so much value to the God who created them.

If you'd like to read more about the care of orphans and the biblical parallels between our own salvation and the adoption of orphans, I recommend these two books. Adopted for Life by Dr. Russell Moore and Orphanology by Tony Merida and Rick Morton.

I would also encourage you to see the movie, aptly entitled, Rescued. We have the DVD and found it to be excellent.