an ever grateful but altogether hot mess

So that's me. Heavens. It's a good thing Jesus pulled me up and set me back on my feet last week because the last few days have just been up and down.

To begin, I did one of the things I hate most in this life.

Back to school shopping. 

Grrr.

How I loathe this every single year. We only go to school two days a week but you'd never know it with the amount of supplies we have to buy. All things considered, it's a small price to pay...I love how we school. But man, how I absolutely hate shopping for their supplies. And my small adoption ravaged brain could hardly handle it this time.

Two hours!

It took two hours to work through three lists. In part because the little man stocking the shelves kept humming some tune from the 70's and I could not concentrate for the life of me. But I digress, because see?

I managed to get it all done. Praise the Lord that is over! We don't even start school for three more weeks. But at the rate that my brain cells are diminishing, I thought it better to cross this task off of my list.

We still have no news on Jase's visa. Which I assume means that nothing has changed on that front. I did email our approval document from China to show that he is visiting there for the purpose of bringing our Gabe home and nothing more...but haven't heard from the courier one way or the other so I'm guessing that the offer of an 18 day single entry visa is what we are going to get.

Sigh.

An email came Thursday though that proved to boost my spirits...we received a much needed grant this week! To God be the glory! Depending on how flights pan out, we are within $1k of being fully funded or are funded now.

Uh. Maze. Ing.

Again, all glory to Jesus. He alone has done this through His people who have supported and prayed and cried with us the last 11 months. We are blown away to be at this point. And while I feel that every muscle in my body is tense...knowing that money for travel will not be an issue is an unbelievable weight that has been removed. So, so grateful.

And on Friday, I spoke with our case worker for a good long while about how all of this will potentially play out with Gabe. It was so great to get answers to my questions and to know that our Article 5 was picked up Thursday night {Friday in China} and overnighted to Beijing where it will be delivered to the officials there who will grant travel approval! That's it! All we wait for is their OK to come on over! Well, that and the Consulate Appointment date. But that's not hard to come by really. So as of now, we are counting down our final wait. It seems to be taking anywhere from 8-12 days. Which is so stinkin' great I can hardly stand it! We are just weeks away from meeting our Gabe.

I'm to the point where that perpetual knot in your gut stays 24/7. That knot that speaks of impending travel and the leaving of your babies behind for 13 days. Looking at flights for dates we may need that are already overbooked. Add to that, I'm not sleeping well...the last two nights I have finally nodded off between 2:30-3:00am. I'm thinking Melatonin and myself are going to be tight for the next five weeks. I'm so glad the Olympics are starting...I need all the diversions I can get right now!

So I'm up and down. Reveling in the good and seemingly swimming against the current at the same time. Little things are feeling like big things and the big things, are just hard to handle right now. But I know it's just part of the process. I remember some of these same feelings when I was carrying the girls and before we traveled for Joel. The Lord will continue to be faithful and we will walk through these few remaining waiting days resting in His goodness. Because even when I'm a hot mess, He's constant. And that's such a good thing to know!