this is us these days

So four weeks. Gabe has been with us for four weeks today.

Anybody else blown away by that?

I mean, it's a paradox. You wait and wait and pray and pray for them to come home. And then they get here and life is good and you are so grateful. But time marches on pretty darn rootin' tootin' fast once they're here. Why is that? I'll never know. It's just the truth.

We've literally watched with our own eyes how this little boy has begun to transform from an orphan to son. The day we received him, he was so brave. So stoic. We expected tears and screams and arching of the back. And really even flat out rejection since he'd been in foster care for the majority of his sweet life. Instead we were given a very serious, brave little boy. What must have been going through his head. How hard he was working to hold it all together. I can't imagine. 

But today, just four weeks later, we have a smiling, giggling and full on kiss giving son. Sure, he can't grasp forever yet. We are probably the "current caregivers" in a pretty long list of others he has known in his short 18 months. Mama and daddy have little meaning still. And he surely has no clue his identity has changed.

That his everything has drastically changed. 

And with these changes, Gabe continues to amaze us. He's so resilient. So strong. His name is well suited for him. I pray it's prophetic..."strong man of God." What a story he has. What strength the Lord has so beautifully given him already. May that be just the beginning. May his strength be found in Jesus alone for the rest of his days. That is our prayer.

So these days. What have they held?

Well, this has been the week of appointments. We went to meet with Dr. F, the pediatric cardiologist, this past Monday. They did both an EKG and an ECG and determined that the findings China had made were accurate. Gabe's PDA has not closed and will require correction. The first bit of good news is that he is not in immediate distress and we can put off the surgery for a few months while we confer with other specialists about things first. Also, we learned that the blood that is entering into his lungs {blood that shouldn't be} is doing so in fast smaller spurts instead of slow gushes. That's great news too. Dr. F said that it looked like a straightforward PDA closure would be in order and would be done via heart catheterization.

Praise God!

So that is all wonderful to hear.

On Tuesday, I called the pedi because sweet baby was still pulling at his ear and his nose continued to run like crazy. They got us in that day at 1pm and wouldn't you know it, three antibiotics had not touched Gabe's ear infection.

Grrr.

To be perfectly honest, I didn't expect them to. We've walked this road before with Sydney and well, I wasn't in the least surprised. The pedi {whom I really like a lot} proceeded to write antibiotic prescription #4.

Uh, no thank you.

I mean, I took the paper. I'm no dummy.

And then I got in my car and called the chiropractor.

Because chiropractors make ear infections go away.

Yes, they do.

And if you don't believe me, just ask me. I will tell you with no hesitation.

Chiropractors make ear infections go away. 

So there. You asked. I told you. It's the truth.

Dr. Joe worked his magic. Gabe giggled his way through the adjustment and then proceeded to have the best night yet since being home. Almost immediately, his nose nearly stopped running and his irritability was greatly lessened. But just to make sure, I took my friend, Suzie's, advice and put garlic oil drops in his ears for good measure.

Don't believe me? Google it. I dare ya. lol

Yep, he smelled like a pizzeria in Italy for a couple of days but hey, after those drops and two visits to the chiropractor, our Gabe is a new man. {Thanks, Suzie, for letting me drop by at 8:30pm and borrow drops! You're a friend, true blue! }

So that's the scoop. Four doctor/chiropractor appointments this week alone. And the sweetie pie is just that. A complete and utter sweet blessing. We had our first post placement report on Friday and our social worker commented on how easily he goes to the five of us, but not to her...which, of course, is how it should be. He is learning more day by day to trust us and is attaching beautifully. He is so good with his siblings. He is beginning to love us all and actually, score one for mama {!} actually prefers me most since being home!

I'd be a big fat liar if I said I minded that!

Nope, I don't mind a bit. Well, until he wakes up at 3am and sleeps attempts to sleep in bed with us and I'm hugging the side of the bed with one adorable knee and one set of sweet piggies in the small of my back. 

That's the time when I ask Jase at 7:30 to get up with him and give me just one more hour of sleep. 

Ah, y'all. Life is good. I plumb dumb adore this boy. 

Of course that's how it should be. It's a done deal though. I'm completely nuts over him. Jase and I just keep looking at each other and shaking our heads in disbelief and sheer happiness. It's like we need to pinch ourselves to make sure that this adorable and funny boy is ours. We can't imagine that he would not be...it's too hard to go back now and wonder "what if?" because Gabe is so much a part of us. 

We know that God is sovereign. We rest in that and live in that and we will die in that Truth. And we see it evident in how He not only sustained Gabe's life, but also in the terrible beautiful way He brought us to Gabe. 

I blogged about the one month anniversary of Seth's death last year and the fact that I knew we were going to receive our son someday. I didn't know at the time it was Gabe. I had not even seen his picture yet. I was so broken over Seth. Completely broken. But I truly believed my God would not bring us to that point and leave us. I knew down deep that He would complete the work He had begun, the work of bringing our son home.

{December 11, 2011}

What in the world will take this away from me? 

Only Jesus. Over and over I say to myself, and to Him...

You are my Peace.

You are good.

You are enough.

Your plans are not to harm me.

You are faithful.

You can be trusted.

You alone are my portion.

Over and over and over I tell Jesus. Over and over and over, I tell myself. And I know, someday we will step into a room, and be handed a beautiful child. Probably one whose heart needs fixing. And I will say to him, "You were worth it all. You were worth the loss. You were worth the hurt. You are the beauty from our ashes." And I will mean it. I really, really will.

I can say now, with no hesitation, those words are true. 

Gabe was worth it all. Of course he was.

Of course he is!

Worth the loss. 

And the hurt.

Not that he has any part in that loss or that hurt. But our love for him, mine especially, was born out of those things. In my head, I know God's plan is in place despite what I believe about it. But in my heart, I shudder to think we could have missed him.

Missed Gabe.

Lord, that is so painful to contemplate now.

Again, it was all the Lord's work. So there's no doubt what that His will would be done. But humanly speaking, losing Seth...gave us Gabe. And to me now, that is so precious.

And it was completely worth it all.

I absolutely mean it.  Gabe was never second and he never will be. He was the little boy whom Jesus chose to be our son on this earth. The Lord was at work before Seth died to accomplish His will, He was at work in the midst of our pain and it was always His plan to redeem Gabe's story from one of loss to one of grace. Our loss and his...grace for us and for him. We couldn't see it then, though we believed it to be true. But now, we see so clearly. 

Gabe is most beautiful and our ashes pale in comparison to the grace we have experienced in four short weeks with our son. This is us these days. To God be the glory, great things he has done.