all we've ever known is His faithfulness

So what a day. The day the Lord made and brought wholeness to our sweet boy.

And what a week. I apologize that it's taken me 6 days to update here. FB is a vortex that sucks me in every time because it's just so darn easy to post news. Thank you to those who have checked in on us here at FFA and prayed for Gabe.

If you remember, his pre op a few weeks ago, didn't go well at all. The reconstruction that he desperately needed all of a sudden looked bleak whereas before, though difficult, there seemed to be no doubt as to whether or not it could be done. Then this was the news...

We had immense peace but were still anxious as to how it would go down and what it could all mean for Gabe. I asked my SIL, if that were even possible. To have peace in the midst of anxiety? She affirmed that she thought we could.

We had peace that Jesus is Sovereign over all things.

All things.

Salvation, life, death, sickness, joy and yes,...reconstruction of your baby's body.

But anxiety over what his road may look like. How this would undeniably affect his life if it could not be made right.

So we prayed. And you prayed. And He worked it all to our good and His glory alone.

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I'm kinda ashamed to admit now, but I was pretty convinced on Sunday that Gabe was going to die. Isn't that crazy? Aren't mamas so irrational sometimes? But Jase had filled the pulpit for our pastor that morning and brought a message about sovereignty and how God was completely reigning over our lives...lives that included much suffering.

Jase doesn't preach much at church...only once or twice a year. But he had preached right before Seth died too.

And my dear friend Ellie. She and her family were on their way to Florida when we got the news about Seth. They were coming to spend the night with us to break up their trip.

She had textd me last weekend to say that they were on their way to FL for vacation but would be lifting Gabe up to the Lord.

Several things just kept gnawing at me. Coincidences that were similar to when Seth died. And it freaked me out a bit. And so my prayers shifted from ones asking for a successful reconstruction to ones to just sustain his life.

I know. It's crazy. I guess the enemy just loves to taunt us. To remind us of the past.

But God.

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4am Monday morning {7.8} came early. I was surprised that Jase had to wake me up. I just reasoned that sleep would never come. Thankfully, it did. For about 3 hours...since I didn't come to bed until 1:00. But we set about getting ready to go to the children's hospital in the big city and left Gabe dreaming away, oblivious, in his crib.

By 5, we were in the van with a pj sporting Little Prince and Jase's parents. Ready to hit the day head on. Expectant, but realistic. I told my friend the day before that I was not thinking the reconstruction could happen but somehow, I'd still be disappointed if it didn't. We had set our hearts to hear the worst but were clinging to the hope that the best possible outcome was still waiting in the wings because our great God is able to exceed our hopes or expectations.

That had been my prayer. Every day for months. Every night for months on end when I would  hold and rock our "Gabey Baby" before bed. We pray together, he and I. And I would ask God to do more. More than I hoped for. More than I asked.

I have to say, Versed is just an amazing drug. I would like some just once in my life. We had a few light moments watching Gabe enjoy it's affects during an otherwise somber morning. He was slated to be the first of the day, 7:30. But adding his ears onto the schedule kinda messed up his urologist a bit and so he actually went 2nd in that particular OR.

Shortly before 8am, varying team members began to trickle in to explain things to us. The ENT was in and out in a flash, saying her part would take literally ten minutes. My days working in the OR years ago confirmed that. Tube placement is easy peasy.  After her was the anesthesiologist, anesthetist, resident physician, circulating nurse, charge nurse, and so on and so on. But it was Dr. S we were waiting for.

He was last.

And he reiterated that he felt Gabe was too scarred down to reconstruct. That his plan was to assess it and move forward with the buccal graft from his mouth if at all possible. But to prepare ourselves for a 30 minute surgery where he will attempt to remove scar tissue and hope to reassess it in 3 months, when a permanent decision could be made for Gabe.

He went on to say that he felt he'd be right back to let us know how it looked. He concluded that it would take him only half an hour at most and that we should not go for breakfast because eating would warrant longer than the surgery would. Our hearts sank. But we continued to hope. And pray.

Within minutes, they came for our sweet baby. Who was, in his Versed stupor, happy as a lark to go with them. We walked behind the stretcher as far as allowed and then waved goodbye.

My heart was again at peace. And no worry or thoughts even, of Gabe dying entered my mind. It was just the night...the night before, where doubts sneak in and the enemy's voice seems loudest. But our God would have the final word for Gabe.

Jase and his parents left me there in the room {per my request} to fetch some grub. We were starving. Having been up since 4:00 and here it was ten after eight. The ENT surgeon was before me by 8:25 telling only me {since the cafeteria was evidently busy}, that things had gone perfectly for Gabe's tubes placement. It was good to hear, though completely expected.

Honestly, the entire time she was speaking to me about drops and ear plugs and what to do and when...all I could think was that Dr. S was beginning to do his work. That our Gabey was now facing the biggest and hardest part of the day.

Five minutes later, Jase returned with some butter grits {I'm a southern girl, ya know} and some bacon {which I eat maybe four times a year}. It was delicious. Honest. But just a few bites were enough. By then, it was going on 9am and we reasoned that we may see Dr. S at any minute.

But 9:00 came and went, as did 10:00.

The phone rang in our room. It was the OR...saying that Gabe was doing well and that Dr. S was not doing the buccal graft from his mouth...and that they would update us again soon. Our hearts were heavy and we reasoned that the scar tissue must be a bear. If he were still working, and not doing the graft, then it must be very bad.

11:00..."still working."

And while our hopes had begun to turn a bit...thinking that surely it would not take that long to remove scar tissue and take down adhesions...he MUST be doing something. Something to make Gabe better in that part of his body.

At noon, the call came that they were within 30-45 minutes of finishing. And that made us happy. Happy that it was almost over. Happy that we would get answers. And happy that something he said would take 30 minutes, had taken nearly four hours. It had to be a good sign.

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Dr. S appeared in our room smiling. Which was a stark contrast to January's entry where he looked exhausted and spent. We could not believe his words. That Gabe's repair went more perfectly than he ever imagined it could. That it "exceeded his expectations." No buccal graft!...Rather, using Gabe's tissue from the same area of his body to do what we had hoped he could do. To reconstruct his body in the best way for him. And more still, NO SPICA CAST!!! Dr. S had told me at the pre op that his skin looked much better than he thought it would and that if he were able to even attempt the repair, he would use that skin first...and in so doing, Gabe would not need the body cast. But he was just so negative about the possibility of reconstruction at that time. 

We couldn't believe it but we were not surprised either. With tears running down all of our faces, we told Dr. S of our deep gratitude for what he had done. I even hugged that man. My goodness. What a moment it was to hear. 

God had answered every prayer in the exact way we had hoped but it was still surreal to hear. How good He is. Phone calls were made, texts sent, FB updated. LOOK WHAT GOD HAS DONE!

Gabe came back to the room and slept it off for about an hour. The caudal block helped a ton with his pain. The only concern was that his catheter didn't seem to be draining into the outer diaper. We kept checking and checking and then the nurse decided to just peek into the inner one...and there we found his dressing full. Something was blocking his catheter from draining. They called into the OR where Dr. S was busy with another surgery. One of his fellows came and she flushed it. That seemed to do the trick.

Before we knew it, we were packing up to go home.

Here are a few iPhone pics with our statuses to go with them....

To God be the glory!!!

The Little Prince is headed home! I've been asking The Lord {along with so many of you!} to exceed our expectations with this surgery...despite the bleak prognosis. He certainly has done that. He is faithful and true...and would absolutely have still been so had today not gone well in our eyes. His goodness is unchanging no matter our circumstance! But we are surely rejoicing in His providence for Gabe!

Later that night, around 8pm, our hearts nearly stopped. Jase and I were changing Gabe's diaper when I pulled it back to see that his catheter had come out completely. Oh, how sad we were. We knew what had to happen. We knew that there was no way he could successfully heal without a cath. I called the on call physician who of course said to haul tail back the children's to the ER.

It was a long, quiet drive back. All of us dreading this for our sweet little prince. They had us back within 10 minutes and we saw a doc within 5 of that. It was probably 45 before Dr. S's partner came in and he got things ready to insert a new cath. Gabe had more Versed {Praise God} and a dose of Lortab to help get him through. God love him.

It was pitiful. He was pitiful. We held his face close to ours and whispered and sang and prayed that it could be done in the ER as the alternative to a failed attempt would be the operating room.

Afterward, I held him tight and kissed his face a hundred times while his Versed stupor wore off. :)

The Lord was again so wonderful to hear our cries and things went smoothly in the ER. We waited for the meds to wear off a bit and went home for the second time that day.

Grateful. Exhausted.

We're not sure why his cath came out but our hunch is that the fellow forgot to reinflate the balloon after flushing it. Which really stinks. I'm not sure why the balloon would have been drained for that really. But it is what it is.

Gabe is doing so well. It's hard to keep a good man down! We have to keep reminding him to slow down and not play like he's used to. His post op is Thursday and I'm anxious to hear Dr. S's opinion on how things are progressing...and to get that cath out on purpose this time! :)

See? He's sleeping so much better now that his pain is less and he loves snuggling with his new Pooh that Honey sent.

Thanks to everyone who has prayed and trusted and wept with us for Gabe. It's unbelievable really...to think of how far he's come. How faithful the Lord has been.

Our dear student, Morgan, commented on my timeline..."All we've ever known is His faithfulness." She gets the prize for the quote of the day. No truer statement can be said about last Monday.