The great disservice~

*Spoiler alert* This is long and kinda snippy. Read at your own risk!

So this little ol' blog has been very Joel heavy this week! Well, maybe this year! But you know, what's a mama to do? And today, I've got a heavy of another kind to write about. Sorry if you disagree with me on this one. But this post has been swirling in my head for weeks and well, it's just got to be said. This is something that I feel really convicted about and I need to put this down for my kiddies. Even at the risk of offending some of you fine readers. Sorry.

I had a first happen to me last month. I was told by someone I dearly love, that I'm doing my children a great disservice. Wow. To be honest, in youth ministry, we see parents blow it all the time. Can I tell you something as a parent?

I blow it. And I blow it...all the time.

I'm thinking all parents do that to a degree though. But Jase and I have strong feelings about how we raise our children. To be fair, most parents would say they do too. Only, many of them don't carry through. Just today, I had an argument with Kennedy about her attitudes about things and clothes and stuff.

You know. The stuff that is passing away. The stuff that is temporary. The stuff that doesn't last.

And there's a blogger that I just love who wrote a post a few months ago that just sums up how Jason and I approach parenting. We've said these same things to each other for years that she managed to poignantly and articulately write.

Here's the gist of how we feel and the convictions we have had for many years~

I don't care a bit if my children are happy. I am not responsible for their happiness and am neither concerned nor worried as to whether or not they grow into happy adults.

My desire and earnest prayer for my children is not that they be happy. But that they be holy. That they would follow hard after God, seek to honor Him in every instance and strive to satisfy Him...not themselves all the days of their life.

Yep, holiness over happiness. That's what I'm after. I really don't think God placed those babies under my care to ensure their happiness. He did, however, grant me children to influence them for His sake. Plain and simple. Why? So they and others will see the Lord.

Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. Hebrews 12:14

Nor am I concerned about their self esteem.

You heard me right. I don't give a flip that they believe they are the prettiest, wittiest or any other ~est you can think of. Nope. Not me. Why? Because it's not profitable to strive for those things. Both of our girls are now believers in Christ. Their identity has now been found in Christ. And by the grace of God, Joel will be placed in Christ as well.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand,

that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

So do we not tell our children every. single. day. that they are beautiful and loved and wonderful? OF COURSE WE DO!!! But we want them to "do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than themselves" {Philipians 2:3}. And by instilling in our children a high view of God instead of a high view of themselves, we're pretty much by the world's standards, killing our children's self esteem. But do we really care about that?

Nope. Not a bit.

Not even a little bit.

Because we don't live our lives by the world's standards. Our model is Christ. Our guide is His Word. He is our standard. And when we compare ourselves to Him, we see ourselves as we really are.

So what's the whole point? I mean. This post is already reaching novel-like length. What's the great disservice we are doing our children?

Sports.

Well, the absence or lack thereof.

At the risk of being long winded {laugh. out. loud.} let me say this. I'm an athlete. My parents are athletes. My siblings are athletes. Heck, my aunts, uncles, and cousins are athletes. It's in our blood! I'm competitive and up for most any game. I loved sports. I loved playing. I loved being on a team. I loved scoring the winning basket or striking out the batter to end the game.

I am an athlete.

I remember my first ever softball game. I was 8 years old and playing the most coveted position on our team...1st base. Halfway through the game, my coach moved me to the pitcher's "circle"...in large part because the girl who was playing there wasn't getting it done. I believe her name was Christine. I was devastated. I sooo wanted to be on 1st. But soon found that I was pretty darn good at that circle. And I never played another position. Ever.

I was a starter on our Varsity basketball team during my sophomore through junior years. I started Varsity softball the same years. I was named the all county pitcher during my junior year and given a place on the all state softball team because of it {in theory...there was no real all state team. But you know what I mean.} We were State Runner Ups that year, beat by a team that hadn't lost a game in 3 years. It was an exciting time for me. I was a go to shooter on our Varsity basketball team. I shot many of our technical free throws and by my freshman year, could swish three point shots with either my right or left hand if needed. I was nicknamed the Mark Price of our team. I won awards and accolades for my time in high school sports.

But you wanna know something?

None of that matters really.

A few weeks ago, I had a person whom I really respect in many areas ask me what sports Kennedy and Sydney were playing. I told them they weren't...playing any. She asked why and I told her that they hadn't shown any interest. Kennedy did play two seasons of soccer when she was five years old but then tired of it. And both of the girls participated in a 6 week basketball program at school last year and loved it. But they weren't dying to do it again this year. We are open to them playing a sport of their choice if they really wanted. But our lives are so busy with church and school and life, that they just hadn't really shown any real desire lately.

Then it came.

"Kam, you should have them playing NOW! You are doing them such a great disservice!"

"Why?"

"Because everyone else around them is getting better. Your girls are going to be so much worse than the other kids they will play against once they decide they want to play one day."

"So what?"

"Kam, you're an athlete! How can you not want them to be great? You were such a good player! Don't you want that for them?"

"No. I want them to be holy, ___. That's what I want. Sports is great. You're right. I loved it. I am an athlete. I was good. But what does that matter now? At this point in their lives, sports has no eternal value whatsoever. One day it may. One day they may be on a team and be an example to other girls. Maybe they will be really good players and do well for their team and have a great time and learn life lessons from it like I did. But for now, it's not important. And even one day, it won't be that important."

"I just can't believe you. They're missing out."

That's where I let the conversation end. But I've carried it with me for weeks now. I'm determined to not be that parent. The one who runs their children to practice after practice and game after game. All the while leaving school and church behind. The parent who drives their 11 year old daughter four hours one way to a softball game because she's on a traveling team now. Many people I know are able to balance this kind of life...others do not. I'm sad for them. I'm told that the person who said this to me actually does their children's homework so they can play ball. Huh?

And just so you know, we are still a sports family. My brother referees college basketball, my sister coaches basketball and my littlest brother is going to school to coach basketball. My first cousin is married to a professional baseball player. I heart ball. I just heart Jesus and my children more. And all I'm asking for is a little perspective from people.

And that's what I got for myself a few days ago. All of this was really put into perspective for me last weekend. I was back home at my parents' for a bridal shower I was helping to give. My brother, Kevin, is getting married May 15th! Anyway, there was a friend of our family there whose son now plays for my high school alma mater. She was telling me that the field they now play on is stellar, immaculate. And they have constructed a brick backdrop all around the circle behind home plate. She said they sit in the same spot each game because their son is catcher for the team and they want to sit near where he plays. She said she sees my brick a hundred times a game...that her eye picks it up because of where they sit each game. Now, to be honest, I didn't know what the hockey she was talking about. My brick? What brick?

I go on to ask her about it and evidently, I have a brick with my name on it in this wall around the backstop of the field. Who knew? Not me. My brother's also have their own bricks. And so do maybe 50 or so other athletes from years past. Wow. So, I trekked over to that field to see my brick. Here it is.

Lovely, isn't it? I mean, what a beautiful brick. How could I have not known about this thing?

My entire athletic career boils down to a silly brick. And really, I think that's so darn fitting. Because athletics is not eternal. Sports has no value in the life after. Sure, they are great. We believe we are great when we play them well. But seriously. Am I going to go to Heaven one day because I could place a softball anywhere, and I mean anywhere, my catcher wanted me to? Or am I going to please God now because back then, I could shoot a basketball with the best of them?

Nope. Neither of those things or any of the others I could mention here mean a hill of beans to a holy God. And what I've learned in the last...let's say, 7 years, is that the things that do matter to a holy God, are the things that should matter to me.

Leading by example with a Godly marriage.

Raising children in such a way to model a love and fear of the Lord and to have a passion for His Name.

Taking up the cause of the fatherless.

These are things that will last. No one cares how many strikeouts I had or what my batting average was or what my high scoring basketball game was. Especially not Him. I'm guessing He could care less about those things.

I'm thinking, if I came into Heaven one day and met my Jesus face to face...and all I had to offer Him was a brick, a brick with my name on it, a brick inscribed with some passing, insignificant accomplishment in my life... I'd be most pitied.

No, I will offer Him more. I will offer Him me. I will offer Him Godly parenting and a faithful marriage and caring for an ex-orphan {and maybe just one more!} and whatever else He would ask of me. But a brick? That's just not going to cut it. Because that brick, and all it represents, is passing away.

And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

1 John 2:17