Headwind? :: Part I

So. I'm not quite sure where to start this. Maybe with a question.

Do you guys experience headwind?

Ok, so not that kind.

I mean the stuff that's just stuff, but it feels like it's coming straight at your face and is doing everything it can to push you back. That stuff. Something that blows against your direction of movement. Something, or things, that slow your progress and therefore make your destination that much further away or harder to get to. I look at headwind as opposition. I have a negative connotation linked to the word. I'm usually a "half full" kinda girl. At least I think I am. But headwind seems to come from the enemy.

I've been feeling headwind for a little while now. I'll get into that a little more in Part II. But what I'm grappling with is this...

How do you discern the difference between headwind and God? Again, headwind seems bad to me. Obviously, God is good. So in my finite mind, these two are the antithesis of each other. I don't want to give the enemy any credit here. I know all things, both good and bad, come to me because my God is sovereign. Nothing is beyond His hand. I don't doubt that for a minute. But what I'm asking is, how do I see the difference?

I guess it boils down to immaturity in my faith. I hate that. But I really think that in many ways this is the reason that I struggle to know where these things, this headwind, is coming from and what is it's purpose?

Case in point :: Jase flew to Costa Rica yesterday with our students on a mission trip. He had lithotripsy 4 days prior to bust up a gargantuan kidney stone. It was very iffy as to whether or not he'd be able to travel. He was in loads of pain and it took him 3 days to just feel normal after all the meds. The doctor called and told me that the stone was so big that even though they broke it up, the fragments would be very large and he was not optimistic that Jase could pass them. So he was tentatively scheduled for surgery on Friday. But, praise God, he passed them all. Amazing how much it was. I'm so grateful. Then the young married lady, who is 6 weeks pregnant, and also did a huge part of the planning for the trip to Costa Rica, discovered just days before the trip, that her passport was for a minor {5 years} instead of an adult {10 years}...and it expired a few weeks ago. So she couldn't go. On the trip she was instrumental in helping to plan. One family had three members set to go {a dad and two teenagers}. They had an outbreak of the mumps. Yes, the mumps! So my friend, Tara, and her daughter were sick sick and her husband needed to stay home and not go so he could care for his family. The CDC got involved and cleared the two teenagers. So that's great.

But do you see what I'm saying? And with all of these instances, my mind began to wonder if this was just headwind, and opposition to what God was going to use our loved ones to accomplish in Costa Rica...or if it was just one sign after another of impending doom!?! I know that sounds crazy. But I just got so weepy over it. All of these things happening and yet God still let them go. What if impending doom was His plan!?! Again, I'm a half full girl. But this just wrecked me. God is not the happiness guru. His ways are not my ways, His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. And it may just please Him for impending doom to come. It may be to His glory...which is infinitely more important than my comfort or happiness.

The day before the team left, I just cried and cried. My sweet Jase held me and reassured me and did what I needed him to do. How I adore him. The night before the trip, he just let me be a basket case and told me how much he loved me, us...and that he'd come home to me again. Then, he left.

Now to be clear, Jase has gone on countless trips...all over the world...both with me and without me. I never want him to leave. But I also never react this way either. Something is different, for me at least, about this Costa Rica trip. It may be in my head. It may be headwind and opposition. It may be God. I just can't say. And that's where my struggle is. If I could just know, I think it'd be better.

But we can always come back to the Scriptures ::

If God is for us, who can be against us?

Who can raise a charge against one of God's elect?

In all things we are more than conquerors...

And we know that God works all things for good to those that love Him, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

I know that you can do all things and no plan of yours can be thwarted.

It is better to trust God than to put confidence in man.

So my man and the others made it to Costa Rica. They had a rough go of it with weather and delays but they are there. I just got a FB message from him that they are heading out to go worship the Lord this morning. How wonderful to read those words. To know he is right where God wants him...despite hardship and headwind and even kidney stones, God has brought my love to that place to meet with him and to use him to spread the fame of Jesus to the people in Costa Rica. In all things, our God is good.

Headwind or God? Maybe it was both. I just can't say. The whole point of life is to be like Christ. And friends, there's a huge learning curve there. I'm not sure I'm anywhere near the mark. Part II soon {Joel's card, adoption, money and Jesus}.