provision through pain

I absolutely have no idea how or where to begin with this. I've been waiting and wanting to get all of this down but needed to put some time between the events that happened and now. I'm honestly at a loss for words and well...since this is our journal, our story...I'm going to have to find them somewhere. Hang with me though. You won't want to miss this.

Nine {9!} years ago this very week, I got in the car with our two very young daughters and drove four and a half hours south to our new city. Jase was staying behind with the movers to make sure our worldly goods were indeed packed and loaded into a rented truck.

A new church {for us}.

A new city.

A new life really.

And here we met incredible people. Many of them behind the scenes types who love Jesus and love His Church. People who are genuine and wonderful because they walk with the Lord and have been made new.

The Coppengers are such people. They are servants who don't seek out the limelight at all but are an example of what makes up the heart and soul of our congregation. A precious, precious couple who, at the time, had a daughter, Julie, who was in the youth ministry and a son, Philip, a few years younger.

Fast forward several years, Julie was headed to Costa Rica to learn Spanish and to be a {nearly} year long missionary. She's not alone though, her best friend, Brant {whose family is also part of our church and is precious}, was going too. We love them both and are thrilled for them to have this opportunity. To experience it together was even better. As it turns out, Julie met Jesus while she was there...she was born again to a new hope and we were all just ecstatic and grateful for how the Lord had revealed Himself to her.

That's not all He did though. Julie and Brant fell in love while serving together in Costa Rica and came home as a couple. It was so, so sweet. They married last year on January 2nd and had one of the most memorable ceremonies I've ever been witness to.

Do any of you remember last summer when Jase was in the Costa Rica and dealing with that awful kidney stone? And I posted about Headwind? There was so much opposition to their trip and opposition to us beginning a new adoption process and headwind aplenty? And I said this...

"Then the young married lady, who is 6 weeks pregnant, and also did a huge part of the planning for the trip to Costa Rica, discovered just days before the trip, that her passport was for a minor {5 years} instead of an adult {10 years}...and it expired a few weeks ago. So she couldn't go. On the trip she was instrumental in helping to plan."

Well, that sweet young married lady was Julie. She couldn't get her passport straightened out in a reasonable amount of time for a reasonable amount of money and so she, who planned this trip, stayed home. She was also in her first trimester of pregnancy. And after all of the headwind, and with her husband out of the country with mine, their baby went to Heaven. And we hurt for them and we prayed for them and we saw God's hand in the headwind. Even though she was without Brant, and no doubt he felt helpless being away from her, she was surrounded by family and they pressed forward serving Jesus together.

They answered the Lord's leading in their lives and partnered with a missions organization, Global Year, and committed to going abroad for the fame of the Lord. This is no small feat. They must raise their own support and as I'm sure you can imagine, that is really hard to do these days.

Julie became pregnant again. I was particularly excited because she and my sister in law, Mattie, were due at nearly the same time in mid April. Julie and Brant were having a boy, Abram. Keith and Mattie were looking forward to the arrival of Claire.

But in January, Julie began contracting. And through a series of events, despite exhausted efforts and many prayers, Abram was delivered very early at nearly 26 weeks gestation on January 13th. Weighing in at 1lb and 15oz, he was so beautiful and so tiny.

Things went very well. We were all blown away at the strength and will of this beautiful little boy. He exceeded every expectation. Everyday brought new updates of just how well he was doing. Our church was praying and praising the Lord for daily miracles. We clung to FB and texts that brought pictures and good news. But on January 28th, the doctors feared that Abram's bowels were perforating. He underwent surgery and we prayed and hoped and pleaded for a miracle. Joel had had the same exact thing happen when he was an infant {born at 28 weeks gestation} in Thailand. He had the same surgery as Abram did.

I remember one occasion when a call came late at night and brought news of the doctors not giving Brant and Julie much hope. Jase and I held onto each other and talked to our great God. We pleaded for His will and for their peace. I told Jase after we finished that my heart hurt so much for Julie. That my guts hurt. That I was nauseated for her.

I have lost a son that I dearly loved. I mourned Seth's passing. I desperately wanted him to come home. I physically hurt all over my body. But not like this. I couldn't imagine her pain. How she must be feeling during those moments in the NICU. Looking at Abram and wanting so much for him to be well.

Tuesday, the 31st came. Jase went to the hospital again to be with Brant and Julie and their precious families and to see what, if anything, we could offer them. I will never forget it as long as I live. I was at home. It was noon and we had just finished school for the day. The phone rang. Jase was leaving the hospital.

And he was crying. His voice was breaking up and it was hard to understand him.

"Babe, Julie and Brant."

Pause.

"They want to."

Pause.

"They want to ask people to donate to our adoption instead of sending flowers when Abram dies."

I fell to my knees in our kitchen and just wept on the phone with my husband. I told him, "No! They can't do that! They are raising support for their own ministry in missions. They can't do this Jase. Did you tell them 'no'?"

He echoed my feelings and said that Brant and Julie were resolved. This is what they wanted.

I have never felt such grace from humanity. Never been more humbled in my life. And I dare say, that God was as present with me in that moment as most any other I've experienced. He flooded me with peace and He calmed my spirit.

My spirit that was still saying "NO!"My spirit that was arguing with Him about this and asking Him to bring them to their senses. To show them that they don't have to do this. They need this money. They are most deserving of the generosity of others.

Abram died two hours later. 

And we mourned and hurt and cried out for them. We prayed and entrusted them to the Lord. And we felt the weight of their gift when this email blast went out to our church that evening.

Abram's funeral was Thursday, February 2nd. Pictures of him, some shown here, lined the walls of our church in large print. Our pastor did an outstanding job speaking. Our worship pastor and our pastor's son led us in praise to God through music on behalf of Abram. We sang Matt Redman's 10,000 Reasons to the Lord and meant every word. Brant, whose precious baby's casket lay before him, stood and spoke the Gospel to a church full of people. His passion for the Lord was unmistakable. He challenged all who were there to make this life count. To live for the glory of Jesus and Him alone.

And then he spoke of our little China prince.

At his own son's funeral.

He asked for others to honor their son by helping ours come home.

I've not known selflessness like this many times in my life. It the midst of unspeakable pain, Brant and Julie were thinking of others. I cannot wrap my head around it. Even my heart, that knows in all things, our God is good, cannot reconcile what has been done for us.

Our church administrator mailed a check to WACAP last week totaling nearly $2200. The exact amount we were lacking for our next adoption fees. And I filled a little bag with 22 red stones to give to them.

I shouldn't be surprised by any of this. And really, I'm not. This is just the kind of people Julie and Brant are. I'm just blown away by them and by goodness of God. By the selflessness they have demonstrated. And by the generosity of others. Who love these precious people and gave for Abram, so we could bring the little prince home. Humbled is not an adequate word. Blessed is not sufficient. But He most certainly is sufficient. To meet our needs for China and to heal Brant and Julie's heart.

Please pray for them as they continue to mourn and work toward their mission to go to the nations with the good news of Jesus Christ. If you'd like to partner with them or be on their mailing list for updates and prayer needs, please visit them at https://www.facebook.com/groups/globalyearfountain/

I asked Brant and Julie if I could share their story and tell you all about Abram. Brant hugged me today and said that he wants whatever can be done to be done that will further the glory of God by making much of their son's life. I don't know about you, but to me, that is a life marked by the example of Christ. May it be so with all of us.

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
I'll worship Your holy name